I'm not exactly sure what you mean here.
I always invite from my DRK in the order SHM, BRD, PSI, NEC, SOR and on the DRK they always appear in that order in my party frames. However, on the SHM they appear in the order SHM, DRK, BRD, PSI, NEC, SOR and always in that order.
I use a 6 step mapped key in ISBoxer to set up the party. Step 1 uses a macro on my leader (Slot 1) with a line to invite each of the other 5. Step 2 uses a macro on Slot 2 to accept that invite (not sure of the command as I am at work). Steps 3 through 6 use a macro to accept the invite on Slots 3 through 6. This ensures I always have consistent party ordering.
The fact that party ordering is not consistent from party member to party member is a feature of Vanguard (and most other games). I'm pretty sure there is no way around it given the constraints of the Vanguard UI.
For my healing I use almost transparent Click Bars overlaid on my lead character's unit frames which send key presses that activate targetting macros on key press and healing macros on key release. Of course, that means I can only heal from my main.
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