1: Use Thunderstorm to knock the melee back, and then shock him. I have 3 of my 4 shamans using flameshock, with my main one using frost shock. You should also always have 1 shaman (main toon or slave 1) dropping earthbind, which will slow their approach. Even in end game arena, If I couldn't knock the melee away, I saved targeting them for last. If a melee is swarming you well enough that you can't get him, don't. Target a nearby caster (healer preferred). If the melee is equal gear/level, and his healer is dead, you should be bale to heal through/ just cast instant hit abilities on him, until he wears down. (shock, Tstorm, Fire nova[can also use magma or searing totem if you wish, some like it, I do not])
2: without a trinket, and without being high enough for tremor totem, yes fear will mes you up, and yes you do have to chase your team down to re-group. This becomes a non-issue when you get trinkets and tremor totem.
3: Use 4x healing stream totem if you like, it will help some. Your main healing spells should be healing surge and chain-heal. Healing surge should be able to save your toon once you see he's getting hit, and if it doesn't, then yes, it's a gear problem, or you were just outmatched. Chain heal is good for when you want to heal, but aren't under heavy single target damage.
For the rest of your points on glyph/totem selection Boylston has a badass stickied thread here:
http://www.dual-boxing.com/showthread.php?t=33257
Stick with it, we all at one point were where you are now. It took about 6 months from the start of boxing to get my 1 team pretty damn good at PvP.
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