I used to have so much fun harassing gold spammers. I started logging them in my EQ2 days.

I was sharing the convos with my husband in IM. IM comments in italics.


Goldseller to ME(not exact quote) "blah blah. we sell GOLD! do you need sir?"
Eschient - "well, gold gold is so tacky, and plat is kinda heavy. my wedding band is white gold, which isn't really white, or really all gold technically. it's got silver in it and stuff to make it white." "maybe you sell titanium? I liked the titanium rings, especially the black ones. they are light and don't scratch."
Goldseller- "i'm sorry sir, i just sell gold"

Later
ASGSDAEE - SPAMSPAMSPAM!

Kate: another new goldseller, ehehe.
Jayme: i hate them

Eschient - *grin* "oooh, I asked your friend it you have titanium instead. Did you get it? I'd like to have the rings engraved, too! one should say Owned by Pookie and the other Owned by Muffin! That would be sweet!"

Jayme: hahhaha
Kate: *grin* he won't answer me

Eschient - "hello? I really need the titanium instead of the gold rings. The gold ones are all scratched and I don't want my mom to laugh at me."
ASGSDAEE - "but we just sell plat, sir"
Eschient - "Platypus? no we have 3 cats... but can i have titanium rings made... "
Eschient - "I don't need plat rings, they are too heavy, just titanium ones"
ASGSDAEE - "but many players buy plat,sir"
Eschient - "but we have three cats and do not need a platypus. we need titanium rings. are you a pet store?"
Eschient - "well that's silly, cartoons don't need metal rings"
ASGSDAEE - "but gold is more useful"
Eschient - "not as much as a platypus if you are a pet store. we need titanium rings though. black ones"
Eschient - "Platinum, it can be a good conductor, but there's much cheaper metals out there if you want to build a tesla coil"
ASGSDAEE - "perhaps"
Eschient - "I told you, gold isn't a terribly good conductor for tesla coils. you should ask people if they want aluminum instead. That works well. People are complaining in other channels."
Goldseller - "yea,thx but? aluminum =?gold,sir

Jayme: wow hehehe

Eschient - "no, I don't have THX (go lucas) sound on my computer. can you get me that?"
ASGSDAEE - "but i don't have,sir"

Jayme: ask for a stripper with titanium rings for your husband.

Eschient - "you should get that, too. people would like THX"
Eschient - "my husband wants to know if you can get him a stripper with titanium rings"
ASGSDAEE - "thx"
ASGSDAEE - "i'm sorry , madam, we have no"
Eschient - "he doesn't need the thx, just the titanium rings"
ASGSDAEE - "we just sell gold"
Eschient - "well, i told your friend that I think gold is tacky. can we get her with something else? she doesn't even need to be a stripper, a dancer will be fine. it's for our annaversary, you know. we love titanium and tesla coils. do you sell aluminum?"

Jayme: what about a PLAT stripper?

Eschient - "my husband loves titanium strippers but he might like a PLAT stripper"
Eschient - "of course, I'd have to get him the tesla coil, too, so I'd need some aluminum, as well."
ASGSDAEE - "yea, i have plat"
Eschient - "woot! my husband will be so happy with a Platinum stripper. when will we be getting the tesla coil and titanium rings? remember the engraving?"
Eschient - "do I get a package discount for the dancer and the aluminum, too?"
Eschient - "oh yeah, and what about the engraving, is that included?"
ASGSDAEE - "no, just have the plat to sell,sir"
Eschient - "well he's not really into platypus'"
Eschient - "are they endangered?"
Eschient -" we have 3 cats"
Asgsdaee is not online
You tell level 10-19 "awww, I was just about to close a deal with Asgdaee for a platinum stripper, titanium wedding rings, aluminum for a tesla coil and a platypus and he logged out on me."
XX "nice Eschient lol"
YY "some people just dont want to put in the extra effort to make a sale"
ZZ "I'll split the platypus with you"

Lucky me, I got the SAME spammer the next night w/ a different name!

Roseyuitiu - "we sell GOLD!..."
Eschient - "we buy gold! We buy gold of all types, including old gold fillings from you kid sisters! We buy gold pet collars! If its GOLD then we will buy it!"
Eschient - "do you have a menu?"
Roseyuitiu - "yeah,we have all kinds of gold,sir"
Eschient - "hey, are you the guy that dodged out on me when I was about to buy a platinum stripper, aluminum for a tesla coil, a platypus and some black engraved titanium wedding bands?"
Roseyuitiu - "yea,that's me"
Eschient - "so when will they get here? I've been waiting all night."
Roseyuitiu - "i'm here now'

Jayme: order dinner honey

Eschient - "are they gonna be here soon? I have a lot of people waiting and the rabbits are getting anxious"
Roseyuitiu - "who is 'they'?"
Eschient - "we'd like to order dinner, too."
Eschient - "they are all my guests. They want to see the platinum stripper and the tesla coil"
Roseyuitiu - "sorry i can supply this service"
Eschient -"you can? That's good. I'd hate to think I was wasting my time"
Eschient - "we'll need lots of ice, too. Metal gets hot in the southern USA sun in the summer"
Eschient - "I would like an order of Baccala with Polenta, not too tart with the tomatoes. an order of Timbale di Riso, Papparadelle With Mushroom Marsala Sauce, and an order of Paglia e Fieno. do you sell wine also?"
Eschient - "we are gonna watch Rocky 4 tonight while the platinum stripper dances for us and we build the tesla coil to slaughter GDI tanks"
Eschient - "dinner is a must. That's a lot of energy to spend.
Roseyuitiu: "no,just gold, bye"
Eschient - "do you take Amaco gas cards or just Magic cards? my husband is a magician! poof! he just disappeared!"
Roseyuitiu is not online.

some time later...

Gfjhyf tells you "hello,do you need gold,sir"
Eschient - "well, I need a platinum stripper, aluminum for a tesla coil, a platypus, 2 engraved black titanium wedding bands, 1000 canolis, 300 cokes, 3 diet cokes, 400 pepsis, a mineral water and a salad with dressing on the side."
Eschient - "the other gold seller couldn't take the order"
Gfjhyf is not online.

---

Daerkness is a necromancer and Provisioner. I was crafting food and drink for this one. Goldsellers will no longer respond to you making things a little less fun, but it gets a lot easier to lead the conversation whereever you want to. I went for a little RP action on this one.
-----

Tdnuayh tells you, "Special offers for Xmas -- Amazing low price at {sitethatstartswithGM} for all servers.This offer lasts for only two weeks,don't loose the chance to become the bessorry to distrub you, {thatGMsite} fast livery,cheap&safe gold help you t"
Daerkness - "what's a bessorry? Fast livery? Is that like cooking or like horses?"
Daerkness - "I don't have any problems T-ing, though. Some people say my T's look like my 7's, but my 7's have a line through them."
Daerkness - "So I guess they look more like my Z's."
Daerkness - "do you know how to report people now that they've changed the petition system?"
Daerkness - "Nevermind, I figured it out."
Daerkness - "Ahh, ok, a livery is a company that rents out cars. I didn't think GM rented cars themselves, I though that was like Enterprise's job."
Daerkness - "Not Enterprise like Star Trek, though, different company."
Daerkness - "we don't have cars in this game, though."
Daerkness - "we have horses and carpets."
Daerkness - "and totems and buffs"
Daerkness - "and the bells and boats."
Daerkness - "If you're really lucky, you can find a druid or someone to port you."
Daerkness - "or a necro to *re*port you. Har har har."
Daerkness - "you aren't a very friendly salesman. If you intterrupt someone when they're doing something, you should have the courtesy to make it worthwhile."
Daerkness - "but then, my mom always told me not to speak unless spoken to."
Daerkness - "I'd never think to run by someone and scream something incoherant and then ignore them when they respond to me."
Daerkness - "But I guess that's just the way I was raised."
Daerkness - "get it? Raised? I'm a necro. Har har."
Daerkness - "You know, I ordered a tesla coil from one of you guys months ago and never got it."
Daerkness - "I ordered take out, too, but that never showed up either."
Daerkness - "my poor friends starved to death."
Daerkness - "do you know how bad it makes a necro look when thier friends starve to death?"
Daerkness - "especially a provisioner/necro?"
Daerkness - "my reputation is shot now."
Daerkness - "So, about this livery thing. What can you do for my horse?"
Daerkness - "well, not my horse, I don't have one. My guildmates have them, though."
Daerkness - "can you set up some sort of bording discount?"
Daerkness - "what kind of oats do you use? Are they organic? Pesticides have some dreadful effects on Spectral mounts."
Daerkness - "I'd hate to be riding through Lavastorm and have my mount spontaniously combust."
Tdnuayh is not online.