Multiboxing in Ancient Egypt - An Historical Primer

[Ughmahedhurtz]

Multiboxing in Ancient Egypt - An Historical Primer

Long before Intel invented the Core2Quad processor series, Egyptian society was toiling away with all sorts of new inventions. Black ink, triangular-shaped pyramids, the first ox-drawn plows and many others were great boons to society. Perhaps one of the greatest of these inventions were heiroglyphics; their written language. Shortly thereafter, in conjunction with the recent invention of paper (papyrus), society began to theorycraft ways of controlling their subjects to expedite the building of intricate temples and palace promenades. While it was assumed they gained much of this knowledge from the Atlantians, physical evidence has yet to confirm this.

The primary game that was played back then in social circles was called World of Mummycraft, the predecessor of the modern MMORPG. This game's rules are remarkably similar to the current World of Warcraft, "invented" by Blizzard but curiously appearing to simply modernize the quests for today's pulp society but retaining many of the lessons of the ancient Anubites.

The worshippers of Anubis, largely devoted to the study of mummification and the afterlife, quickly began to see the benefits in being able to recycle their slaves after death to reduce travel time to southern Africa. To this end, they perfected resurrection, which was only allowed to be used at certain points in the game. For example, not being able to resurrect their minions during the building of a huge pyramid meant that having enough slaves to last throughout the construction was critical to winning the race for divine favor.

About 2500 B.C., a major series of breakthroughs by the infamous Anubite cleric, Mahdi al-Moolti bin-Bokksing, began to be recognized as a new and exiting way to play World of Mummycraft and quickly achieve divine favor without having to rely on weaker individual servants in smaller numbers.

The major advance associated with the early reign of bin-Bokksing was the ability to transmit orders to all of the slaves on the pyramid with one apparatus. Early versions of this were varied forms of tubes and papyrus, which were both unwieldly and slow to respond, not to mention that the papyrus carriers tended to die from heat exhaustion, especially during the latter stages of pyramid construction from having to run up and down the tremendous structures. Later versions began to be tested which provided nearly instantaneous communication and were largely attributed to the labors of the priest Rahb al-Kheyclone. An early picture of al-Kheyclone's device can be seen in a beta-testing inscription in figure A below.

Figure A (early Rahb al-Kheyclone communications device):


Once the basic ideas started coming into wider use, bin-Bokksing theorized that 4-5 people could be much more effective at moving the large blocks and supplies if they were all directly controlled by one person. To this end, they began perfecting the /follow and /assist commands. As might be expected, slaves came from all over Africa and spoke many dialects and, as such, tended to have initial difficulties understanding the /follow and /assist commands. Figure B illustrates one servant of al-Moolti having trouble with 2 of his 4 slaves.

Figure B (a bin-Bokksing adherent having /follow and /assist trouble):


Once the major hurdles with /follow and /assist were worked out, things began to run much more smoothly. Mummycrafting talent reworks by the Anubite council resulted in better synergy amongst the bin-Bokksing groups such that productivity increased several hundred percent over individual players. These advances, while stunning, were not without their own pitfalls and drawbacks. In an attempt to educated their like-minded worshippers, bin-Bokksing and al-Kheyclone commissioned the first known instructional documents for World of Mummycraft specifically tailored to the multiple-slave players. This document was inscribed on to the Wailing Wiki Wall so that all others could come and learn from their mistakes and triumphs. Most of the original Wailing Wiki Wall, usually just referred to as "The Wiki," has fallen into ruin in the centuries that followed. Modern Moolti Bokksing students have, though great effort and tireless persistence, been able to resurrect much of original texts from a tablet found in the early 21st century. The tablet, shown in Figure C, is widely thought to be a primer on the do's and don'ts of multiple slave control. The best interpretations are as follows:

Figure C (early Do's and Don'ts list):


1) When leveling, always remember to bring plenty of food and water to prevent downtime. If you're a hunter, remember to being pet food, the cost of which can be offset by picking up trash loot while grinding.

2) When meeting other people at forks in the road, it is common courtesy to rest with them, toss them a heal if you're a healer and share leftover pet food with hunters if you aren't a hunter.

3) When resting near forks in the road, you should always watch your back. There are sneaky bastards from the other faction that may try to gank you, which will seriously upset your wives and throw your family's home into disarray.

4) When running your team around obstacles, you should proceed in as straight a line as possible, taking time to let pets keep up and throwing out heals as needed if you step off of cliffs. Remember that some pets are slower than others and may neccessitate waiting for them from time to time.

5) Get your mounts as soon as you become eligible. They will help you avoid all sorts of nasty creatures, like T-rex'es in Un'Goro or those rabid plainstriders in the barrens. Worst case, if you don't have a mount and get chased by a ground mob, simply run into water to avoid them.

6) When raising new pets, you may be tempted to use worthless pets like crocodiles and turtles. These should be avoided in favor of screeching pets for AoE aggro control or wind serpents for burst/ranged damage. These will help decrease your downtime.

Once the original bin-Bokksing instruction guides were posted on The Wiki, many people started trying to do it. Assuming that it would work much like the rest of the game of Mummycraft, many hunters began trying to play this way. Since hunters were such an easy class to solo, many people tried playing them with the al-Kheyclone apparatus. Figure D shows a scene from one of the noobie zones early in the 3rd century B.C.

Figure D (hunters in the starting zone):

[Ughmahedhurtz]

Sadly, shortly after this became popular, the Anubite council deemed them too overpowered in groups and restricted hunters from taming the snakes (or feeding the ones they already tamed) that were their favorite companions. Thus, many retired them and moved on to other classes. Figure E shows an example of the resulting dilemma.

Figure E (a bin-Bokksing disciple trying to choose between mages[left] and warlocks[right]):


Around 2950 B.C., a new group of Anubites decided that, since they were all doing pretty much the same thing and wanted to play Mummycraft with like-minded folks, they moved their games to the Magh Ther-i-Don district in downtown Alexandria, thus forming the first example of a large bin-Bokksing community. The leader of this group commissioned a portrait of a guild meeting in the capital, the inscription of which can be found in figure F.

Figure F (Magh Ther-i-Don guild meeting in Alexandria, circa 2950BC):


As the al-Moolti bin-Bokksing's followers became more prevalent, people began to notice that not all of them were full groups. With the realization that they were also hugely successful in running quests and cave exploration, they began to beg and bribe slots in those groups. Figure G shows a huntard (a common derogatory term for people barely smart enough to play hunters) begging for a slot in a 5-man quest group, despite seeing the group is already full.

Figure G (anubite bin-Bokksing group leader making the "talk to the hand" gesture):


In defense of hunters, though, their popularity tended to mean that there were so many of them that few regular groups would accept them, either, as evidenced by this early 2nd century B.C. painting showing a regular group making their druid turn down a hunter.

Figure H (original caption reads, "OMG reroll, IMO.")


Only one other piece of historical script has been found to date, though it is suspected that many others exist but have been misinterpreted to be mundane heiroglyphics unrelated to the bin-Bokksing movement. This last piece was titled "Grinding Your Hunters the bin-Bokksing Way" and was discovered in the ocean just off the northern coast of Egypt near modern-day Al Iskandariyah.

Figure I ("Grinding Your Hunters the bin-Bokksing Way", circa 1969 B.C.):

[Original Caption (highlighted in yellow): "When out grinding murloc eyes in your usual patterns, be wary of trees and water as gankers can hide in them until you're too close to avoid them. Always have your pets out in front looking for them, as if you play well and carefully, your pets can help you kill the would-be gankers, which may result in a feeling of immense pride and sexual stimulation."]


So, as you can clearly see, Mahd al-Moolti bin-Bokksing's original movement has been distilled into the fine art which is known today as Multiboxing. With homages to his original priests and clerics such as Rahb al-Kheyclone and with rich memories of flourishing communities like Magh Ther-i-Don, the movement continues even today with the blessings of game companies like Blizzard.

Understanding your history and the toils and death which the founders had to suffer through to become successful should, I hope, give you all great inspiration to achieve great feats of research and experimentation. Considering the vastly superior tools available to modern followers of bin-Bokksing, new multiboxers should be able to show us never before tried feats of ingenuity and excellence. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say, "Welcome, and LONG LIVE MULTIBOXING!"

Ancient Multiboxing Archaeologist and Part-Time Literary Hack,
Ughmahedhurtz

[Jaese]

lol were you bored today?

[Ughmahedhurtz]

lol were you bored today?

This much: |---| (not to scale)

[Thulos]

ROFL, very entertaining read. :thumbsup: