Well if you are dumb like you say you won't make it very far

Many have asked that same question before you "what do I do". Luckily for you there is plenty of documentation, FAQs and so on. The sticky's at the top of each forum are always good and so is the Wiki linked on the menu bar at the top. With a little work on your part (reading) you won't feel so dumb after all.

Vyndree's Guide to Guides is possibly one of the better places to start.

Good luck!