My Curse, Overactive Imagination

[dancook]

When you're lying in bed and you hear a thud, do you assume it's a car door being shut outside, do you wonder if someone's broken into your house.. or like me is your first thought, that your reflection has crawled out of the bathroom mirror and fell out onto the floor.

I lie there, afraid to move... I wonder any second will I hear the handle on the door turn and door slowly creak open. Or will it be over in seconds, as I stare at the wall, frozen in fear, I see a face rise up from under the bed... but it's not really there.

Yes the dark can play tricks on your mind, but my mind races into a league of it's own.. conjuring up the most darkest of thoughts, fueled by the horror films of my past.

I try to think of something nice, kids tv shows.. gotta do the trick.. but staring into the dark, with every blink I see horrific images.. as I type now and blink I can see a young child, girl.. pale complexion and eyes as black as night.

Driving home at night, I catch a glimpse of something in my mirror, something in the back seat - I look but there's nothing there.. constantly toying with me.. what is it? As I drive, I see a figure hung up on a post.. .or is it just a coat.. I get closer, no it's just a sign. The parked cars, dark and quiet.. just waiting for their moment to spring into life. Another figure.. no, just a bush.

At home I sit on my computer, anxious.. alert, every unexpected noise makes me jump in terror.. any moment now someone will come down the stairs, any moment.... and in any moment I might die. But it's not real, it's all in my mind - but telling myself this is not enough.

The monkey, the first time I saw the monkey was from the top of the stairs, investigating a noise. It charged up the stairs and latched onto my stomach, I told myself the pain is not real.. it's signals to my pain, no need to panic.. but I can't take it, I run out, naked, into the street.. curl up and cry for help. But i'm ok, I'm lying in my bed, awake.. staring at the wall.


anyone else have a problem like this? it's almost like a bad trip but without the drugs.. yet still having a grasp of reality - but it's never enough to stop the dark thoughts.

edit.
I've tried to bottle it up inside - The thought of being alone with it wells me up with tears..

[Shogun]

As long as you know it's over-active imagination, you're on your way to embracing it and just rolling with it

Take it with a laugh and a smile, and hey if one day it is real, fuck it right? You went with a smile on your face ;)

Also, put that imagination to good use, start writing

[dancook]

I guess when I thought the 'thing' in the backseat of the car was the monkey from the night before.. I patted the passenger chair and said outloud "it's ok ..come sit here"

Just testing I guess.. to see how real it was..

but then I did think if a monkey did jump into the passenger seat, it'll give me such a fright i'll probably crash..

[Xzin]

Sounds more like schizophrenia or anxiety. Without knowing more, I couldn't offer any more insights. Are you actually SEEING a monkey? Are you taking anything? Has this happened before? Do you ever hear voices or think people are out to get you?

If this is a real problem and not a narrative, I would see a psych and try to get to the bottom of it. Whatever it is, it is treatable. Don't give up hope.

[dancook]

the above is not just narrative, everything I see I know is in my mind... but i can't help but feel it's going to actually happen, and that scares me.

I wasn't even on the landing investigating the noise, when I saw the monkey.. I imagined it all, in 1st and 3rd person I think.

I don't hear voices, and I don't think people are out to get me no - not taking anything either. I've been 'afraid of the dark' before.. imagining the worst might happen during the night.

I don't have very forfilling sleeps, I'm usually tired during the day.

[Xzin]

Could just be anxiety or several other things, PTSD comes to mind. Do yourself a favor and talk with a professional about it. It will get better far faster if you identify what it is and treat it, even if it winds up not being serious. But from the looks of things, it clearly bothers you.

[Sanctume]

If it's a monkey mob, can you think of your self as a Mage and sheep the mob, then just blink away or teleport back to Undercity if your hearthstone is in cooldown.

[Ughmahedhurtz]

I have only one suggestion: learn how to harness this. Consider it a feature and not a problem. You could be the next Stephen King or Dante Alighieri. ;)

[binkiebink]

write a book imo . . . . whenever i trip out my psychiatrist says . . . write about it. . . . one day you will have a novel

[dancook]

I've spoken to my mum, she wonders whether I'm suffering depression, as it's affected a lot of men in both sides of the family.

I recently been to the doctor about a drinking problem, which I've been able to cut down drastically of my own free will - but am concerned for my liver. Over two weeks I drank 3 litres of gin, mostly binging it, twice during the day - fell asleep in the bath once... plus I drank beer/wine.

I've got my addiction to wow, which isn't so bad.. I'll put my girlfriend before wow, but it affects my work as it's on my mind constantly...

So since I've cut down a lot on the wine, maybe this paranoia or something is kicking in strong, just things to escape reality in someway.

5months ago I came out of a 5 year relationship, and have been living in the house on my own, which is now in the process of being sold. At work I have a huge project, which has gotten to a point of bordem, and it needs to be done - and I wish I could win the lottery so I wouldn't have to do it.. or I've even considered alternatives with no real conviction.

[Atorifan]

This is some serious stuff here. Guessing you're from Euro area by the liter reference. I'd really suggest the group setting of their Alcoholics Anonymous, or suitable version. From what I hear white-knuckling, aka your own will, doesn't last. And the group approach to battling alcoholism is the way to go, pretty much the only outpatient way, that has thousands of success cases. Maybe someone can refer you to someone to help the other problems, and they tend to exacerbate and feed on each other. I wish you luck, you're not alone, but you have to do the legwork, and I wish you luck.

[dancook]

I've an appointment this afternoon with the doctor, fingers crossed for 8o 8o 8o 8o 8o 8o 8o 8o pills heh

[Xzin]

Just keep in mind,pills are rarely a panacea for your problems. Unless you have something like a bacterial infection.

[dancook]

The doctor said he'll try and keep me off the anti-depressants, but does say i'm suffering DTs

Delerium Tremens

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delirium_tremens

Intense Hallucinations, Anxiety and Paranoia due to alcohol withdrawel - the doctor says the monkey is a classic sign..

So I could have been suffering depression from the copious amounts of alcohol, and then since i drastically cut down last friday.. i'm suffering DTs


edit. If anyone was interested, I am 25.

[Xzin]

Alcohol withdrawal is serious stuff, you can't just go cold turkey. Do what your doctor advises but better to be off it than not. Glad you are getting treatment and on the road to recovery. Especially now and not 30 years from now when your liver is useless.

The good news? Things are only set to go up from here. Keep it up.

[dancook]

Thanks, the doctor has suggest I don't drink at all. Which I have the will to do, or well I have thus far.

Thinking of it this way, it'll nice to cut down on the calories, spending and hopefully feel more healthy for it :)

+ I have appointments to see a counsellor and someone who specialises in alcohol discussion or something

[Shogun]

Alcohol withdrawal is serious stuff, you can't just go cold turkey. Do what your doctor advises but better to be off it than not. Glad you are getting treatment and on the road to recovery. Especially now and not 30 years from now when your liver is useless.

The good news? Things are only set to go up from here. Keep it up.Well said.

And if there's anything any of us can do to help speak up, for now consider us moral support :)

[dancook]

You're hardly the model crowd for curbing addictions ;) .. world of warcraft anyone???

just kidding:)

It's good to talk.

[Xzin]

I haven't really played since July/August of 2007. I consider it a rather elaborate hobby. But it is certainly not my only one :)

Glad you are making the right choices and getting back on track.

[Ughmahedhurtz]

Changing habits (especially bad ones that you've repeatedly justified to yourself in the small hours) is possibly one of the most difficult things humans attempt. Best of luck at it. :)